Funny Retirement Quotes

Funny retirement quotes will bring some light heartiness to your retirement speech.

27 Funny Retirement Quotes

Before including a funny retirement quote ensure that it is appropriate. For example don't use number 1 or 10 if the retiree doesn't or no longer has a wife. Although quote 3 would be a great one to commence roasting the retiree.

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you. - Gene Perret
When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house you know you are retired - Unknown
When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference. - Virginia Graham
He who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't far from retirement. - Unknown
When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. - R.C. Sherriff
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does.-Unknown
In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon. - Unknown
Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. - Jonathan Clements
There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job. - Peter Drucker
When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
The down side about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time.- Unknown
There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.- Robert Half
Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it. - Unknown
When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy
Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.- Unknown
Retired is being twice tired, I've thought - First tired of working, Then tired of not. - Richard Armour
Retirement . . . is when you stop living at work and begin working at living. - Unknown
Retirement must be wonderful. I mean, you can suck in your stomach for only so long. - Burt Reynolds
Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working.- Unknown
In retirement, I look for days off from my days off. - Mason Cooley
Fishing Yesterday, Fishing Today, Fishing Tomorrow I must be retired - Unknown
The only way to avoid being miserable [in retirement] is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not.- George Bernard Shaw
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.- George Burns
When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference. - Kin Hubbard
Retirement is when the living is easy and the payments are hard. - Unknown
The great thing about show business is that there's no mandatory retirement age. - Scott Bakula
The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income. -George Foreman