Funny Retirement Quotes

Funny retirement quotes will bring some light heartiness to your speech

27 Funny Retirement Quotes

Before including one ensure that it is appropriate. For example don't use number 1 or 10 if the retiree doesn't or no longer has a wife. Although quote 3 would be a great one to commence roasting the retiree.

1. When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.  - Gene Perret
2.  When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house you know you are retired - Unknown
3. When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference. - Virginia Graham
4. He who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't far from retirement. - Unknown
5. When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. - R.C. Sherriff
6. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does.-Unknown
7. In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon. - Unknown
8. Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. - Jonathan Clements
9. There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job. - Peter Drucker
10. When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
11. The down side about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time.- Unknown
12. There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.- Robert Half
13. Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it. - Unknown
14. When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy
15. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.- Unknown
16. Retired is being twice tired, I've thought - First tired of working, Then tired of not. - Richard Armour
17. Retirement . . . is when you stop living at work and begin working at living. - Unknown
18. Retirement must be wonderful. I mean, you can suck in your stomach for only so long. - Burt Reynolds
19. Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working.- Unknown
20. In retirement, I look for days off from my days off. - Mason Cooley
21. Fishing Yesterday, Fishing Today, Fishing Tomorrow I must be retired - Unknown
22. The only way to avoid being miserable [in retirement] is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not.- George Bernard Shaw
23. Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.- George Burns
24. When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference. - Kin Hubbard
25. Retirement is when the living is easy and the payments are hard. - Unknown
26. The great thing about show business is that there's no mandatory retirement age. - Scott Bakula
27. The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.  -George Foreman

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